Without God

I have just read George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-four. A compelling read, albeit a rather disturbing one as so many of the ideas written about in 1949 are scarily possible today. The one thing I found so awful though, was the apparent lack of any religion of any sort, it was not allowed. Can you imagine a life where there is no choice, no hope, no certainty of a better future, no comfort from a Lord and Saviour, no God? It would be a living hell and surely George Orwell's book gives a foretaste of what actual hell will be like for those who have not yet given their hearts to the Lord. To be separated from God does not bear thinking about and yet that is what is promised to those who refuse to believe.

A few weeks ago I had my Bible bag stolen - it is not necessary for me to list here the whys, wherefores, how, who and what but, needless to say, it caused a lot of inconvenience and unnecessary worry. The one thing that should have been the easiest to replace was the Bible itself but this has proved to be the hardest loss of all.

A few years ago I was introduced to the Precept Ministries Inductive Bible Study and this rather large tomb was the one I used for this purpose. The study encourages highlighting key words and phrases with different colours and symbols which makes it easier to examine them more closely and cross reference them with other Scriptures. Prior to this, I had never liked marking any sort of book and would never even turn over a corner of a page to keep my place. As I could not bare to deface a Bible I already had I purchased this one specifically for studying. The Bible itself contains all the instructions for each of the 66 books within and I had spent the best part of the last decade gradually working my way through. I had only Matthew and Mark left to study in the New Testament and had completed well over a third of the Old Testament books so my Bible was much marked and well worn - an old friend that I was very comfortable with. Every week day morning I get myself ready then sit down between 7-7.30am to study my Bible before breakfasting and going off to work. Everyone else is still in bed and it is my special time with the Lord.

The morning after my bag had been stolen I sat down to my study as usual and pulled out one of my (many) other Bibles. Fortunately, I could still remember the subject I had been looking at and was able to continue with this for the rest of the week. But then I ground to a halt. With no instructions on what to do I began to flounder and couldn't get motivated. I was flicking through, opening pages at random hoping that God would make something leap of the page. For two weeks I carried on in this pattern, starting to feel anxious, depressed and generally miserable and hardly reading anything of God's word at all. Then came a week's holiday from work (we did not go away, just visiting relatives and pottering around) and my routine was disturbed so I didn't even bother with the aimless page turning. I felt totally restless and empty - something was most definitely lacking in my life and I knew what it was - God!

I had certainly been speaking to Him over the last few weeks (shouting too at times!) and had prayed for the person who had taken my bag. I had no ill feeling towards that person and asked that they would open my Bible and read it or, failing that, the person who found it might do - as long as it was not wasted, thrown in some bin.

My lovely Bible was gone, covered in all my colourful markings, showing everyone who saw me reading it it how good I was and how much time I must have spent on it. I loved it when a passage I had completed was read out in church and anyone near me could get a glimpse of how much I had done. I had started to race through each section eager to mark off another book as done and trying to estimate how long it would take me to complete the whole Bible - I couldn't wait, how proud I would be. 

And then it hit me - Pride! Perhaps God had taken this Bible from me because I was too conceited over what I had done in it rather than what He was showing me. Maybe my rush to get through the studies was taking over from the content and God wanted me to slow down and actually digest what He was saying to me. I needed to forget the past (I am highly unlikely to get back my old Bible) and start anew so, on Saturday evening, I ordered a new Bible - the same translation as the one I have lost but without all the study guides and it duly arrived the next day.

Today is Bank Holiday Monday but I arose early while the rest of the house was asleep and stole downstairs. I picked up my new Bible and also a book I had had some time called Come Walk In My Ways by Kay Arthur which uses the Inductive Study method - this book is going to cover 1&2 Kings and 2 Chronicles. I took up my coloured pens and started marking key words.

That first chapter this morning has been balm to my soul and I could feel peace and calm come over me as I worked. Just the act of marking the text is very therapeutic but it was more than that - I was very conscious of taking all the words in slowly and letting them breathe through me. Today I have felt calm and happier in myself than I have for a while.

I had been quite despondent at the thought of all that lost work and having to start over again - especially as I could quite clearly see the end goal and had been charging towards it. Once I had ticked off a book I was always reluctant to go back and re-read it when there were still new ones to be studied, "I know that part, why should I go back and look again?".O foolish woman! God has other plans and has given you a new start. I now have, literally, a clean slate and can take in things through fresh eyes with a fresh page to look at each morning. There will be nothing to spoil or distract the view of any revelation that might be given me today, no hang over from yesterday. I am free to read and learn and discover again.

The Lord's loving-kindnesses indeed never cease, 

for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; 

Great is Your faithfulness

Lamentations 3:22-23

Little Things

Last August my husband, myself and our two dogs spent a week in a little cottage just a minute from a beach where we walked each morning and evening. The beach was made up of mostly pebbles and rocks with odd strips of sand and was practically deserted. At the top of the beach was a row of mixed chalets and bungalows and we would often see their residents sitting outside enjoying the sea air.

Our attention was drawn to one man who, evening after evening, would be carrying boulders and stones, one at a time, to create a barrier between the row of chalets and a small stream that ran down past them its way to the sea. It seemed a rather pointless task and we did not quite understand the logic behind the intensity in his actions as he laboured away. After a couple of days of nodded "hello's" our curiosity got the better of us and my husband stopped and asked him what he was doing. He explained that, in the past when the stream had become swollen with rain, it had breached the natural banks and rushed in front of the chalets, eroding the banks and threatening their very existence. If he did not build up breaches it would do the same again so he had set himself the quest of protecting his property and those of his neighbours. 


It seemed rather a thankless task to me and I couldn't help thinking that he was rather wasting his time as the vast and mighty ocean just a few meters in front the the houses was surely a far greater threat as it crashed headlong on to the beach than a small, tinkling stream. 
As we walked away from him I was suddenly reminded of the little foxes in the Songs of Solomon. It is the small things in our lives that can bring about ruin and destruction if left unchecked.The world is full of the big problems which we, personally, have no (or very little) control over - wars, famines, earthquakes, political unrest, the dreaded Brexit, etc. Yes, they are there. Yes, they are a threat. But, like the mighty ocean crashing on that small Welsh beach, we can do nothing to halt their progress. The small things, however, that niggle away at us - that little white lie, our laziness, ignoring those near us in need - these things we can address and, by doing so, will actually make a difference to our own lives as well as those we touch. Tell the truth and you will not have your conscience pricking at you, get up and clean those kitchen cupboards and you will have that feeling of satisfaction of a job well done, send a card to someone who you haven't seen for a while and brighten their day. These little acts might not seem much but, just like the man on the beach, they could, metaphorically,  manage to stop your house being washed away.

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15