Unlock Your Heart

Lunchtime today saw me sitting in my car in the gateway to a field waiting for my son to walk the dogs. It was a beautiful sunny day and very peaceful with few cars passing on the road behind me. The sun was warm and there were early signs of spring showing in a haze of faint colour on the trees and hedges around me.

As I waited I pondered on the sermon given at chapel earlier today. The subject was taken from Matthew 7:23 when Jesus says, "I never knew you". What a terrifying thought! I prayed that Jesus really does know me and, when the time comes, I will not be left behind. I asked for Him to show me He was with me. As I opened my eyes I was aware of the gate in front of me, topped with barbed wire and held together with a sturdy padlock and chain. Beyond was the glorious field surrounded by trees and I hoped this was not the message God meant for me! Is my heart locked and guarded against letting Him in leaving me with just glimpses of the wonderful paradise beyond? No! Jesus has the key to that padlock and will throw away that chain flinging wide the gates so I can walk through into His arms. 

Prayer: Lord, come into my heart and teach me your ways. Amen,

Make a Joyful Noise

I am sometimes asked to read out the notices at the beginning of our morning service at chapel, which I am happy to do. However, I always feel slightly inadequate as others who do this task usually bring a word, scripture or testimony as well and I have not felt comfortable doing that. This morning I am to read the notices again and for the last couple of days I have been looking for something suitable to bring but to no avail.

This morning I was looking at the Psalms when one little phrase stood out to me as I found it repeated in three fairly close together. I know the words might be different in other translations but the phrase in my Bible is 'make a joyful noise'. This made me smile as I imagined God having to listen to the screeching, growling and misplaced notes that invariably occur during our singing of hymns, all far from the heavenly choir of angels mentioned in the scriptures. But God is not like us, He listens to the heart producing these sounds. As long as we are doing these things joyfully and full of worship for Him, He will accept these praises like a proud father listening to their child playing their first tentative notes on the recorder or violin (and we all know what that sounds like!).

Needless to say, this is the message I gave to the church this morning and ended by saying that is does not matter if you can't sing in tune, just make a joyful noise!

Psalm 95:1-2 Oh come, let us sing to the Lord. Let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving. Let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise!

Psalm 94:4 Make a joyful noise to the Lord all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!

Psalm 100:1-5 Make a joyful noise to the Lord all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that the Lord, He is God. It is He who made us, and we are His, we are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him, bless His name! For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations.

Here I am, send me!

Do you ever feel that God is trying to tell you something? Over the last month or so there have been a series of suggestions that He is trying to get my attention - I can imagine His frustration as I quietly amble on my way, oblivious, whilst He is throwing hints at me with the force of a sledgehammer!

Before Christmas I started a Bible Study on Isaiah which, to be honest, I am finding quite hard. The study is broken down into three sections and, two months into the course, I am still working on the first twelve chapters. Although the subject matter needs a lot of concentration to understand what is being said, a few verses pop out at me, as often happens when you read the Bible, which I feel are meant for me at this time. The one in particular that keeps hitting me is Isaiah 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!” I have prayed about this, asking God to reveal to me what He wants me to do or where He wants me to go, I told Him I am open to whatever He suggests but have not had an answer (or one that I have heard). I thought I must have been imagining things and carried on as before.

In early January my husband had to go for a routine kidney scan - he had bladder cancer a few years ago and has to have annual tests. The last test was all clear but they wanted the kidney scan done as part of the process. Although the results for the kidneys came back all clear we were horrified to hear that a lump had been detected in his breast and he was immediately sent to the Breast Cancer Clinic in Cheltenham. The prognosis was not looking good. After a mammogram and biopsies the doctors were pretty certain this was cancer, and the biopsy results should confirm this in a couple of weeks time - he was told he should bring me along with him to that appointment. The good news was that the cancer hadn't spread to the lymph nodes and should be treatable. He was already on our prayer chain from chapel and as I told them of the results I said we were just thankful that it had been picked up by chance and it had not spread. I also specifically said to one friend that I was praying that when we went to the appointment they would be proved wrong and it was just a cyst or something benign. I also said that the chorus the children had song that morning in church had bought me great peace and comfort - Fix your eyes on Jesus - and that's just what I was doing. A week later my prayer was answered (why am I always surprised by this?). Martin had a phone call from the hospital to say the test results had come in, the tumor was benign and he did not even have to go for the appointment on the Friday. I felt like I was walking on air and kept praising God for what he had done. I even told my non-believing husband that he had been on the prayer chain and that God had healed him. God had heard my prayer.

The following Sunday at chapel the worship team played two songs - firstly one with the chorus Here I am, wholly available - as for me, I will serve the Lord, shortly followed by "I the Lord of Sea and Sky" which has the chorus Here I am Lord. Is it I Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart. Yes, Lord, there is definitely a theme going on here but I still don't know what I am to do. I did a little study on 'Here I am' as I knew is was elsewhere in the Bible but the only think that I could glean from that was Isaiah was the only one who volunteered to go whereas the others were responding to their names being called. A subtle reminder to be ready when God calls.

Last Sunday morning I was talking to my dear sister in Lord, Rosie. She said she thought she had a message for the church but there had not been an opportunity to give it that day so she proceeded to tell me about it. She had been driving to the service that morning and been stopped by a set of temporary traffic lights and she feared she was going to be late. As the lights changed she went on through the lights and, looking in the rearview mirror she saw a stream of cars behind her and thought, "come on through", the road is clear. As she drove on further all the lights were green so she could "come on through" - and she arrived at the chapel on time. As she was telling me this I just knew the message was meant for me and told her I thought she had told the person who needed to hear it. Again, this week I have been praying for clarification and meaning to all of this but know I must be patient as God will reveal all in His time.

A final nudge this week was in the daily scripture that pops up on my phone every morning. The one on Tuesday was a paraphrase of Ezra 10:4, Rise up ...... take courage and do it.

God has my attention! Here I am Lord, I will go if you lead me, I will come on through when you call. I will rise up, take courage and do it. I just don't know what 'it' is but I hope to recognize it when it does arrive.

Strange Dream

Last night I had the strangest of dreams and it came as something of a wake up call (pardon the pun).

I was walking through a store that looked remarkably like Dunelm in Gloucester with a group of people (I cannot remember who they were) when I turned down one aisle. Everything was in black and white and there were rails of Halloween costumes hanging up - white ghosts outfits and black witches capes and hats. The voices of the people I was with faded away and it became colder and darker. I was suddenly terrified, feeling evil all around me and knew this was hell. Not the fiery furnace we believe to await those who do not believe in Jesus but just as horrifying as God was no longer with me, I could not feel His presence and I was totally lost. And then I awoke.

What could this mean? I have often doubted my own faith - not that God isn't capable of saving me, that has never been in question, but do I truly believe that He can, is my faith as big as even a mustard seed? Am I on my way to hell? In that moment as I woke I knew that I never wanted to be apart from God, the alternative is too frightening and I prayed again for forgiveness and asked Jesus to fill me anew with His Holy Spirit and I felt peace and calm. I know that I never want to walk down that aisle again and I am now assured that I do not have to.

Don't worry, the seed has already been sown!

I have two sons aged 34 and 27 who are very much my Cain and Abel. The younger one has followed me in my Christian faith and gave his heart to the Lord when he was 15 – although he has taken a step back from the church at the moment, I know he still believes and have no worries about his salvation and he is already talking about coming back. Both went to a C of E school and attended Boys Brigade and whilst the younger one continued attending church, playing bass guitar in the worship group and getting baptised, the older one stopped going before he became a teenager. He became very rebellious and we had 10 years of utter nightmare with him before he eventually settled down in a job he loves.

Unfortunately, Christianity has become a forbitten subject with him – he just does not want to know, there is no hope of taking to him and he will even began criticising so I have to bite my tongue to not snap at him and exercise the turning of the other cheek instead. It has become easier to avoid talking about faith at all and I haven’t tried to for several years. I have been extremely guilty that I could not talk to him about such an important thing and I worried that I, or worse still he, might die without telling him especially since Covid-19 has made us all realise just how fragile life can be.

However, I had the slightest glimmer of hope of Friday. He came into the living room (yes, this one still lives at home) and asked what I was up to. I told him I was going to church and he looked at me strangely and asked what day of the week it was. I replied that is was Good Friday which happens to be one of the most important dates in the Christian calendar as it was the day Jesus died. He simply said, “but then he was born again”.

Conversation over but, oh, how joyful that has made me feel. I have no need to feel guilty because he already knows the truth, the seed had already been sown when he was a child. I am not hoping for miracles, although one would be good, but just knowing there is a little seed planted somewhere deep inside him that one day may grow and blossom is a very comforting thought. All I can do now is continue to pray for him, the rest is between him and God.

Without God

I have just read George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-four. A compelling read, albeit a rather disturbing one as so many of the ideas written about in 1949 are scarily possible today. The one thing I found so awful though, was the apparent lack of any religion of any sort, it was not allowed. Can you imagine a life where there is no choice, no hope, no certainty of a better future, no comfort from a Lord and Saviour, no God? It would be a living hell and surely George Orwell's book gives a foretaste of what actual hell will be like for those who have not yet given their hearts to the Lord. To be separated from God does not bear thinking about and yet that is what is promised to those who refuse to believe.

A few weeks ago I had my Bible bag stolen - it is not necessary for me to list here the whys, wherefores, how, who and what but, needless to say, it caused a lot of inconvenience and unnecessary worry. The one thing that should have been the easiest to replace was the Bible itself but this has proved to be the hardest loss of all.

A few years ago I was introduced to the Precept Ministries Inductive Bible Study and this rather large tomb was the one I used for this purpose. The study encourages highlighting key words and phrases with different colours and symbols which makes it easier to examine them more closely and cross reference them with other Scriptures. Prior to this, I had never liked marking any sort of book and would never even turn over a corner of a page to keep my place. As I could not bare to deface a Bible I already had I purchased this one specifically for studying. The Bible itself contains all the instructions for each of the 66 books within and I had spent the best part of the last decade gradually working my way through. I had only Matthew and Mark left to study in the New Testament and had completed well over a third of the Old Testament books so my Bible was much marked and well worn - an old friend that I was very comfortable with. Every week day morning I get myself ready then sit down between 7-7.30am to study my Bible before breakfasting and going off to work. Everyone else is still in bed and it is my special time with the Lord.

The morning after my bag had been stolen I sat down to my study as usual and pulled out one of my (many) other Bibles. Fortunately, I could still remember the subject I had been looking at and was able to continue with this for the rest of the week. But then I ground to a halt. With no instructions on what to do I began to flounder and couldn't get motivated. I was flicking through, opening pages at random hoping that God would make something leap of the page. For two weeks I carried on in this pattern, starting to feel anxious, depressed and generally miserable and hardly reading anything of God's word at all. Then came a week's holiday from work (we did not go away, just visiting relatives and pottering around) and my routine was disturbed so I didn't even bother with the aimless page turning. I felt totally restless and empty - something was most definitely lacking in my life and I knew what it was - God!

I had certainly been speaking to Him over the last few weeks (shouting too at times!) and had prayed for the person who had taken my bag. I had no ill feeling towards that person and asked that they would open my Bible and read it or, failing that, the person who found it might do - as long as it was not wasted, thrown in some bin.

My lovely Bible was gone, covered in all my colourful markings, showing everyone who saw me reading it it how good I was and how much time I must have spent on it. I loved it when a passage I had completed was read out in church and anyone near me could get a glimpse of how much I had done. I had started to race through each section eager to mark off another book as done and trying to estimate how long it would take me to complete the whole Bible - I couldn't wait, how proud I would be. 

And then it hit me - Pride! Perhaps God had taken this Bible from me because I was too conceited over what I had done in it rather than what He was showing me. Maybe my rush to get through the studies was taking over from the content and God wanted me to slow down and actually digest what He was saying to me. I needed to forget the past (I am highly unlikely to get back my old Bible) and start anew so, on Saturday evening, I ordered a new Bible - the same translation as the one I have lost but without all the study guides and it duly arrived the next day.

Today is Bank Holiday Monday but I arose early while the rest of the house was asleep and stole downstairs. I picked up my new Bible and also a book I had had some time called Come Walk In My Ways by Kay Arthur which uses the Inductive Study method - this book is going to cover 1&2 Kings and 2 Chronicles. I took up my coloured pens and started marking key words.

That first chapter this morning has been balm to my soul and I could feel peace and calm come over me as I worked. Just the act of marking the text is very therapeutic but it was more than that - I was very conscious of taking all the words in slowly and letting them breathe through me. Today I have felt calm and happier in myself than I have for a while.

I had been quite despondent at the thought of all that lost work and having to start over again - especially as I could quite clearly see the end goal and had been charging towards it. Once I had ticked off a book I was always reluctant to go back and re-read it when there were still new ones to be studied, "I know that part, why should I go back and look again?".O foolish woman! God has other plans and has given you a new start. I now have, literally, a clean slate and can take in things through fresh eyes with a fresh page to look at each morning. There will be nothing to spoil or distract the view of any revelation that might be given me today, no hang over from yesterday. I am free to read and learn and discover again.

The Lord's loving-kindnesses indeed never cease, 

for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; 

Great is Your faithfulness

Lamentations 3:22-23

Little Things

Last August my husband, myself and our two dogs spent a week in a little cottage just a minute from a beach where we walked each morning and evening. The beach was made up of mostly pebbles and rocks with odd strips of sand and was practically deserted. At the top of the beach was a row of mixed chalets and bungalows and we would often see their residents sitting outside enjoying the sea air.

Our attention was drawn to one man who, evening after evening, would be carrying boulders and stones, one at a time, to create a barrier between the row of chalets and a small stream that ran down past them its way to the sea. It seemed a rather pointless task and we did not quite understand the logic behind the intensity in his actions as he laboured away. After a couple of days of nodded "hello's" our curiosity got the better of us and my husband stopped and asked him what he was doing. He explained that, in the past when the stream had become swollen with rain, it had breached the natural banks and rushed in front of the chalets, eroding the banks and threatening their very existence. If he did not build up breaches it would do the same again so he had set himself the quest of protecting his property and those of his neighbours. 


It seemed rather a thankless task to me and I couldn't help thinking that he was rather wasting his time as the vast and mighty ocean just a few meters in front the the houses was surely a far greater threat as it crashed headlong on to the beach than a small, tinkling stream. 
As we walked away from him I was suddenly reminded of the little foxes in the Songs of Solomon. It is the small things in our lives that can bring about ruin and destruction if left unchecked.The world is full of the big problems which we, personally, have no (or very little) control over - wars, famines, earthquakes, political unrest, the dreaded Brexit, etc. Yes, they are there. Yes, they are a threat. But, like the mighty ocean crashing on that small Welsh beach, we can do nothing to halt their progress. The small things, however, that niggle away at us - that little white lie, our laziness, ignoring those near us in need - these things we can address and, by doing so, will actually make a difference to our own lives as well as those we touch. Tell the truth and you will not have your conscience pricking at you, get up and clean those kitchen cupboards and you will have that feeling of satisfaction of a job well done, send a card to someone who you haven't seen for a while and brighten their day. These little acts might not seem much but, just like the man on the beach, they could, metaphorically,  manage to stop your house being washed away.

Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15