Before Christmas I started a Bible Study on Isaiah which, to be honest, I am finding quite hard. The study is broken down into three sections and, two months into the course, I am still working on the first twelve chapters. Although the subject matter needs a lot of concentration to understand what is being said, a few verses pop out at me, as often happens when you read the Bible, which I feel are meant for me at this time. The one in particular that keeps hitting me is Isaiah 6:8 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!” I have prayed about this, asking God to reveal to me what He wants me to do or where He wants me to go, I told Him I am open to whatever He suggests but have not had an answer (or one that I have heard). I thought I must have been imagining things and carried on as before.
In early January my husband had to go for a routine kidney scan - he had bladder cancer a few years ago and has to have annual tests. The last test was all clear but they wanted the kidney scan done as part of the process. Although the results for the kidneys came back all clear we were horrified to hear that a lump had been detected in his breast and he was immediately sent to the Breast Cancer Clinic in Cheltenham. The prognosis was not looking good. After a mammogram and biopsies the doctors were pretty certain this was cancer, and the biopsy results should confirm this in a couple of weeks time - he was told he should bring me along with him to that appointment. The good news was that the cancer hadn't spread to the lymph nodes and should be treatable. He was already on our prayer chain from chapel and as I told them of the results I said we were just thankful that it had been picked up by chance and it had not spread. I also specifically said to one friend that I was praying that when we went to the appointment they would be proved wrong and it was just a cyst or something benign. I also said that the chorus the children had song that morning in church had bought me great peace and comfort - Fix your eyes on Jesus - and that's just what I was doing. A week later my prayer was answered (why am I always surprised by this?). Martin had a phone call from the hospital to say the test results had come in, the tumor was benign and he did not even have to go for the appointment on the Friday. I felt like I was walking on air and kept praising God for what he had done. I even told my non-believing husband that he had been on the prayer chain and that God had healed him. God had heard my prayer.
The following Sunday at chapel the worship team played two songs - firstly one with the chorus Here I am, wholly available - as for me, I will serve the Lord, shortly followed by "I the Lord of Sea and Sky" which has the chorus Here I am Lord. Is it I Lord? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart. Yes, Lord, there is definitely a theme going on here but I still don't know what I am to do. I did a little study on 'Here I am' as I knew is was elsewhere in the Bible but the only think that I could glean from that was Isaiah was the only one who volunteered to go whereas the others were responding to their names being called. A subtle reminder to be ready when God calls.
Last Sunday morning I was talking to my dear sister in Lord, Rosie. She said she thought she had a message for the church but there had not been an opportunity to give it that day so she proceeded to tell me about it. She had been driving to the service that morning and been stopped by a set of temporary traffic lights and she feared she was going to be late. As the lights changed she went on through the lights and, looking in the rearview mirror she saw a stream of cars behind her and thought, "come on through", the road is clear. As she drove on further all the lights were green so she could "come on through" - and she arrived at the chapel on time. As she was telling me this I just knew the message was meant for me and told her I thought she had told the person who needed to hear it. Again, this week I have been praying for clarification and meaning to all of this but know I must be patient as God will reveal all in His time.
A final nudge this week was in the daily scripture that pops up on my phone every morning. The one on Tuesday was a paraphrase of Ezra 10:4, Rise up ...... take courage and do it.
God has my attention! Here I am Lord, I will go if you lead me, I will come on through when you call. I will rise up, take courage and do it. I just don't know what 'it' is but I hope to recognize it when it does arrive.
